Craving His Love
by amazing-pages
Summary: Ginny is craving the one person's love she can never have.


_Special thanks_ to **PromisingYou** for her awesome beta skills, and to **rowan-greenleaf** for reading over this and convincing me it was worth publishing. You guys are awesome! =D

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**Craving His Love**

Hermione Granger looked over at Ginny Weasley, wanting to do something—_anything_—to comfort her. The only thing stopping her was her best friend's request for privacy, but Hermione considered breaking her promise as she watched Ginny in her bed, shoulders wracking with heavy sobs. While she knew that grief could change someone severely, Hermione also knew that this was more than simple grieving, and it distressed her to watch Ginny endure the pain alone.

This had been a routine occurrence for years: Ginny would be dating a guy, and at some point in the relationship she would come home disturbed and upset. Sometimes it would be after the first date, and other times it wouldn't be for a good six months. But Ginny had only spoken of it once, and Hermione had been frightened to bring the subject up again. She wasn't just scared for Ginny's sake; Hermione wasn't sure she could handle hearing the story again, listening silently as her friend related the experience that had changed her so dramatically from the girl she used to be.

Ginny had come home to their flat one night, eyes swimming with unshed tears and her face red and blotchy—a sign of the outburst building up inside her. At first, Hermione had thought Ginny was hurt. She had fussed worriedly over her friend, asking what was wrong and leading her to bed. After a few minutes, Ginny simply waved her off, telling her that this was normal and had been going on for years. They had just moved into the flat together, and there wasn't much Hermione could say to argue that point. She hadn't roomed with Ginny back in Hogwarts, so she didn't know much of her friend's nighttime routine. But the haunted look on Ginny's face seemed far from normal.

Nevertheless, Hermione figured whatever it was would pass. She had respected her friend's wishes to leave her be, deciding to bring it up when Ginny wasn't quite so hysterical. A few days later, while eating their breakfast in silence, Hermione couldn't wait any longer.

"Ginny, what was going on the other night? You can tell me if something's happened. You know that, right?"

Ginny sighed, putting down her fork. She had been pushing her food around her plate, only nibbling at the breakfast before her. "It's nothing Hermione. I was just upset, okay?"

It was quite apparent that a brush-off wasn't going to appease Hermione this time, and she was already shaking her head in disagreement. "No, it was more than that, Ginny. You were practically wailing all night! If you hadn't been speaking to me so clearly I would have thought you'd gone 'round the bend."

Hermione watched closely, anticipating a series of fabricated truths to pour from Ginny's mouth. She had watched Harry do it for years, to "protect" her from reality. That wasn't going to fly here. When Hermione wanted answers, she dug until she found them. But she could never have prepared herself for what she heard next.

"Tom was amazing, Hermione," Ginny whispered, her eyes looking off and seeing something more than the pristine kitchen in their flat. "Did I ever tell you that?"

It took Hermione a moment to catch the change in subject. "Thomas, the Auror?" she asked, confused. "I thought you said he was a prick." She took another bite of her eggs, her eyes still trained on Ginny's face.

There was a pause, and then Ginny sat up straight, her gaze boring into Hermione's. "Tom, the dark wizard," Ginny amended, ignoring the shocked gasp from Hermione. Ginny was resolute in her decisions, and she had said long ago that she never wanted to discuss Tom Riddle. Listening in a dazed silence, Hermione waited for Ginny to explain. "He was always so kind to me, coaxing me to do things for him, and in return giving me so much more. I never met someone who understood me so well."

Hermione said nothing and merely stared at Ginny, stunned. Ginny continued, needing no encouragement. "There was so much power in him, Hermione. More than he ever had to use. And he kept me company when my mind was so lonely. No," Ginny said quickly, cutting off whatever Hermione was preparing to say. "I'm only telling you this once, Hermione." She waited until Hermione had closed her mouth and given a slight nod of affirmation before repeating herself, "Once."

"He never invaded my thoughts without permission," she added, her voice firm. "I always let him back in. Every time I accomplished what he asked, he gave me everything I could have wanted." Ginny broke their stare, her eyes once again returning to another time, to a place Hermione couldn't follow. "Tom had his faults, yes. But I never spoke of them, and he never spoke of mine. Down there, in that isolated chamber, nothing and no one else mattered. It was just us, and there wasn't a thing in the world that could break our bond."

"Ginny, Tom Riddle hurt you," Hermione broke in softly, her arm reaching out to clasp Ginny's wrist. But Ginny wrenched away from her friend's comfort, shaking her head defiantly.

"Tom never did anything I didn't agree to! If he did something wrong, it was because I told him it was okay to do it in the first place," Ginny replied, her voice harsh. "The night—" Ginny held back a sob. "The night that Harry found us down there...we had planned that night for months."

"'Just a little more time,' he had said. 'A few more weeks, love, and we can be together forever.' I wanted that so bad, Hermione!" Ginny cried, her tears finally breaking through and cascading down her cheeks. Hermione looked away, unable to watch as her friend's expression contorted into one of painful desperation. "I had never wanted something, someone, so much. You can't imagine what it's like to have to hide your love from the world. I wanted to tell someone, anyone, but he told me I couldn't. Whenever I woke up and he wasn't there, I couldn't even remember him. I couldn't even remember what I had been doing for those few hours we spent together every day. He was my life, Hermione. Without him, I wasn't able to function right."

There was silence as both girls took in this information; Ginny reminiscing, and Hermione registering this new, twisted perspective on what had happened that night in the Chamber. Harry had recounted it more than once, though he hated to speak of it. But Hermione had never considered—never even entertained the idea—that her best friend had not felt the relief Harry had described: the relief in knowing that Tom Riddle was gone, and Hogwarts was safe once more. Scrutinizing Ginny now, Hermione wondered what else her friend had never spoken of—what other parts of her life lay hidden away in the depths of her heart.

Ginny took a deep breath, breaking Hermione's train of thought. There were dark bags under Ginny's eyes, and her face was puffy from the unwelcome tears. She was trying to keep herself under control—that much was obvious—and it was difficult for Hermione to see her friend like that, still feeling so much pain in those vivid memories from long ago. Ginny took another breath and continued, as Hermione listened to her pour out the story that had played out in silence for so long.

"Tom was an addiction, Hermione. I couldn't get enough of him, and the more I had, the more I wanted. He surrounded me, fulfilled me. Whenever I wasn't with him, it felt like I was abandoned. I was missing a part of myself. Harry could never have understood what he interrupted that night," Ginny growled, her eyes growing fierce. "He thought he was protecting me? No, he was destroying me! Tom had finally, _finally_, decided it was time. We were going to be together. I would forever and always be a part of him."

Hermione could hardly believe her ears. Ginny blamed Harry for all of this? It was quite clear that after the incident in the chamber, Ginny's childhood crush on him had all but disappeared. But Hermione had never imagined that the reason was this...blind hatred for him. There must be something very wrong with Ginny, for her to have been so enthralled by Tom Riddle's actions. From what Hermione could gather from the stories, Tom had been sucking the life out of her—literally. How could Ginny be so sympathetic towards her captor? How could she be so forgiving to someone who had stolen and consumed a year of her life, and had almost succeeded in taking away the rest of it as well?

"I know what you're thinking, Hermione," Ginny said softly, as though she could physically see the wheels rapidly turning and deducting inside of Hermione's mind. "And you're wrong. Tom was never the monster he was made out to be. People, and hatred, and pure malice created Lord Voldemort. But Tom—he was pure. He wanted nothing but the best for me, and he was the best. He never told me how he would accomplish the 'us', and I didn't know how we could possibly be together, but I wanted it so bad, and I trusted him when he said it would all work out in the end. I still believe it would have."

"But, Ginny, he could have killed you! He _was_ killing you!" Hermione cried, unwilling to stay silent any longer. She had to show Ginny sense, plead with her to see the truth. "How can you be okay with that?"

Ginny's eyes were like ice, and her tone was just as cold. "Tom was giving me the life I never had. When that spell was broken, when Tom was lost, so was a part of my soul. I've never felt such a connection before. I was one with him, and he was a part of me. I feel guilty whenever I try to fix the pieces of my heart and forget my loss. I know better, but I make an effort anyway. It never works, and I always feel worse for trying. No one can ever fill that void."

Hermione could think of nothing to say, and perhaps there was nothing right to say. But Ginny did not continue. Rising, she left the room without a word, leaving her breakfast hardly touched and Hermione to her thoughts.

That had been five years ago, and Hermione could think of nothing appropriate to say, even now. She stood silently in the doorway, reluctant to break the awkward silence between them. Ginny was lying in her bed, her tears having passed, sniffling and avoiding Hermione's sympathetic gaze. She looked beautiful—despite being tear-soaked and curled up in a ball—clad in a stunning white gown.

But Hermione knew that Ginny, of all people, ought to be happy right now. But she wasn't—not at all. It was the night before the wedding, and as Hermione watched Ginny finger the ornate beading on her white dress, she knew Ginny wasn't thinking of the perfect ceremony that had been planned for months, the many friends and relatives attending the special event, nor her fiancée of two years, Draco Malfoy. No, Ginny was imagining what could have been, what might have happened, had her life been fully and forever bonded with Tom Riddle.

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